Have you ever had a book resonate so deeply it felt like the author was speaking directly to you? That was my experience with Shonda Rhimes' transformative work, "Year of YES." Yes, the Shonda Rhimes—the mastermind behind TV hits like Grey’s Anatomy and Scandal, and the unofficial queen of Thursday night television. While she may not know it, her book turned her into my personal mentor. And because she dared to write a book in such an authentic, relatable, girl-next-door way, she is unwittingly, but most definitely my new best friend. Back in 2013, a simple yet profound observation from her sister—"You never say yes to anything"—jolted Shonda into a new reality. This pivotal moment inspired her to start embracing every challenge, from public speeches at Dartmouth to appearances on Jimmy Kimmel Live. It wasn’t just about accepting invitations; it was about engaging fully with life, enhancing her health, and cherishing moments with her children. Witnessing her transformation, I couldn’t help but start my own "Year of Yes." On a chilly January morning, as I packed for a trip to Chicago—Shonda’s hometown—I decided to challenge myself to embrace "yes" at every turn. This wasn't just about mimicking her—it was about redefining my own life’s narrative from passive to active. It began with waking up early, which led to discovering an inspiring podcast on life's purpose. The day continued with a profound interaction with my shuttle driver, whose resilience and gratitude were so compelling, it felt like he walked right out of a novel. He even gifted me an umbrella as a keepsake, a simple act that felt deeply significant. The journey didn’t stop there. Choosing to listen more than I spoke, I uncovered my Uber driver's harrowing escape from a war-torn country to the hopeful avenues of Chicago. Spontaneity led me to the box office of "Hamilton," where I snagged a last-minute ticket to the sold-out show—an exhilarating testament to the power of "yes." The Power of Yes: A New Way of Living This newfound perspective wasn't confined to grand gestures; it permeated my daily decisions. It found me saying yes to decluttering, embracing strategic naps, and tackling dreaded projects. I even found myself saying yes to green kale drinks, a testament to my commitment to health, no matter the taste. But saying yes goes beyond personal benefit—it creates ripples that affect everyone around us. Friends and clients alike have adopted this mindset, discovering their own superpowers in saying yes to life's little and large moments. Saying yes can be our own personal 3-lettered superpower. Shonda’s online network encouraged her to “power pose like superwoman” when she needed courage. “Power posing like Wonder Woman is when you stand up like a badass—legs in a wide stance, chin up, hands on your hips. Like you own the place. Like you have on magical silver bracelets and know how to use them. Like your superhero cape is flapping in the wind behind you.” That’s some potent life advice. Go ahead. Assume your power pose and complete this sentence… This year I will say yes to__________________________. According to my new BFF, “every yes will change something in you. Every yes is a transformation. Every yes sparks some new phase of evolution.“ This year, I invite you to join me. Say yes to something that scares you, something new, something transformative. What will you say yes to this year? I’m eager to hear how your journey unfolds as you embrace your inner superhero through the simple, yet powerful act of saying yes. Are you on social media? Come say Hi on Linkedin, Facebook and/or Instagram!

Here I sit, suspended between Christmas and the New Year, in this reflective week I always love. Like many, you may find yourself looking backward to inform how you want to move forward with New Year's resolutions. The holiday season, bridging the end of one year and the beginning of another, is a reflective time that often inspires us to connect more deeply with those around us. I didn’t have to reach too far back to find fuel for my first resolution of the new year. I’ve been recalling my recent holiday interactions with family and friends in particular. The Impact of Asking "How Are You" In some cases, I’ve spent long stretches of time with some of them and the feeling of true connection was missing. In other cases, a quick breakfast or phone call yielded that warm glow that Hallmark reminds us we should feel at this time of year. What made the difference between the two situations? It often boiled down to one thing—which exchanges made me feel seen and cared about. In a world where life can be far too complicated, I look for simplicity. So the simple fact is I felt more connected and cared for when others asked “how are you?” and truly cared to know. In which exchanges did we really wonder with sincere interest about the other?  And who asked simply as an entire for telling me all about how THEY are…or asked but didn’t really listen to my reply–both the words and the emotions.  And where was I guilty of the same? Key Insights for Fostering Genuine Interactions Implementing effective communication strategies can transform your interactions into more meaningful connections. Here are some tips to help you enhance your conversations during the holidays and all year round. Be Sincere: Ask "how are you?" with genuine interest. Showing genuine interest in how others are feeling can dramatically enhance interpersonal connections. Active Listening: Pay attention to both words and emotions. Listening attentively to responses shows that you value the other person beyond mere courtesy. Show Empathy: Respond with understanding and care. This approach can significantly enhance your relationships, much like embracing new opportunities can lead to transformational change. Using Emotional Intelligence in Leadership This phenomenon isn’t limited to the holidays or our personal lives. These strategies are not only beneficial in personal interactions but are equally important in professional growth. All year long, I work with leaders who want to know how to make a difference, how to connect with staff, keep their fingers on the pulse of the organization, boost morale, gain respect, reduce turnover, and communicate value. It seems to me all of that could be helped along by one question in the new year—“how are you?” –delivered sincerely and followed up by deep listening–the kind of listening that would have you pass the hypothetical pop quiz about their answer. Effective Leadership Tips for Deeper Connections Here’s how leaders can use simple words to make a big impact: Consistent Engagement: Regular, sincere inquiries about well-being can significantly impact team dynamics. Empathetic Leadership: Showing empathy and understanding in your responses fosters trust and respect. Follow-through on Details: Remembering and acting upon what you learn about others shows that you value them genuinely. Power of Simple 3 Words! So as you utter the three words that usher in the Times Square ball drop—“happy new year!”—consider following them up with three other words—“how are you?”—and then just listen. Their answers may shift from “fine” to something more telling. With this resolution enacted, we’ll be on our way to being more impactful leaders, friends, and family members. Have you experienced a change in your relationships by using these small words with big impact? For more insights on fostering genuine connections, check out our communication strategies and leadership tips.

As an under-confident and self-conscious teenager, I declined my parents’ offer to set me up with braces. Or if I’m more honest, I outright refused. I couldn’t bear the idea of having a metal smile adding to my self-image issues. I just wasn’t ready. I preferred my overbite. So, in my late 20’s I made the move. I encased my teeth in the barbed wire called braces, took on the pain of the metal–and the pain of the expense. Two years later, those wires produced the smile I always wanted and a partner! They came off right before a major turning point in my life—my wedding day. In the same way I thought my marriage would last, I also thought my perfect and beautiful smile would as well. I was wrong on both counts. My life shifted and evidently so did my teeth. My dentist confirmed it—my bite was off again, teeth were jostling for position in my mouth, and they would continue down this path unless I did something about it. I was “out of alignment” and this called for action. Invisalign seemed to be the answer. If you don’t know what Invisalign is, imagine wearing a mouth guard fitted just for you that you wear for 6 weeks at a time and continually replace over a period of months or years. It’s made of a clear plastic-like substance and snaps in and out of your mouth easily. (I think of them as my pre-dentures.) You’re required to wear them 22 hours a day, taking them out only long enough to eat, brush, and reinsert. Admittedly, I was not in love with them the first week. But I did love the name…Invisalign. I was embarking on an invisible alignment. I felt both proud and uncomfortable. Here’s what my Invisalign reminded me about change and the need to get realigned. Staying Aligned Requires Constant Care and Action I thought I had this handled a long time ago. I had done this already—this working on the teeth thing. Checked the box. Ya mean I had to do it again? Yes, the changes we need to make aren’t necessarily one-and-done. Unless, I wanted my teeth to regress, I needed to take new action. It’s not an excruciating pain but a dull ache. It’s tolerable and necessary, but uncomfortable. Slowly, my tongue adjusted to the foreign plastic edges encroaching on its space. The grip of the mouthpiece felt more like a hug than a strangle-hold. My lips made way for this intruder. My temporary lisp eventually subsided, and I’m reminded that the hardest part is committing to change. It got easier with time. Changes Take Longer Than We Think Dr. Vila/Carlos—my friend and dentist rolled up in one—read the treatment plan. “You should be done in 6 months, but” he added, “expect it to take longer.” Transitions take time, and we can’t always foresee exactly how much time. We simply get on with them and let the process unfold. I could no longer unconsciously pop something into my mouth. I needed to remove the Invisalign trays first, rinse them, set them aside, eat, brush, and re-insert. So I was forced to weigh each eating and drinking choice. Is it worth it? Do I need this snack? This change was overriding my auto-pilot for eating whatever I want whenever I want. I’m thinking more, but eating less and brushing more. Sometimes one change leads to other positive changes. Our Misalignment May Be Invisible to Others, but We Know We Need Help People say they didn’t notice my teeth shifting. They’re either being polite, or it wasn’t obvious yet. Either way, I knew things were out of alignment. We are the ones who know what we most need and when we are out of alignment. Fortunately, many realignments can be subtle, through means invisible to others. Just when I got comfortable wearing one Invisalign tray, it was time to get another one and begin a new adjustment period. It’s necessary in order for things to keep moving in the right direction. Over time, I was ready to graduate to a retainer. This cycle of discomfort to comfort and back to discomfort is how we improve over a lifetime. It Ultimately Yields Favorable Results It’s important to take the long view. Times of change, realignment, and discomfort often signal something big and new around the corner that we’re getting ready for. In my case, I can picture and feel my realigned smile. And I feel other shifts in my work and life happening that are quite exciting as well.

Ever wondered what airplanes and ladders have in common? While the link might not be immediately apparent, both can teach us a lot about our mental processes through a concept known as the Ladder of Inference. This psychological model, which has been on my mind after three recent trips, helps us become aware of how we "think about what we're thinking"—a crucial skill for personal and professional growth. Understanding the Ladder of Inference: A Thought Process The Ladder of Inference consists of 7 rungs that represent different stages of thinking: Observation of Infinite Data (1st Rung): There is an endless amount of observable data available in any given situation. Selection of Data (2nd Rung): Often unconsciously, we select specific pieces of data from the vast pool available to us. This selection is influenced by what naturally catches our attention and aligns with our prior experiences or interests. Any given person notices different details based on their perspective and attention. I have a friend who could always spot a new piece of jewelry or hairstyle on someone. Whereas, I confess to being oblivious to such details. Adding Meaning(3rd Rung): We add meaning to what we’re noticing. Making Assumptions(4th Rung): We make assumptions based on the meaning we add. Drawing Conclusions(5th Rung): We draw conclusions from our assumptions. Adopting Beliefs (6th Rung): We adopt beliefs based on our conclusions. Taking Action (7th Rung): The beliefs and conclusions we adopt prompt us to take action. Yes, we all do it.  It’s human nature. This step reflects how our interpretations of data influence our behavior subtly and significantly. Real-Life Application: A Lesson from a Flight So, why did my travels make me think about this model?  This particular “ladder” made itself known to me on a flight from Boston to Philadelphia years ago. So, let me confess what that looked like.  The plane was full of business travelers as well as students returning from summer camps. I was sitting in a middle seat with my work colleague on the aisle and an empty seat on my right. So, I did what we all do in that situation–whether we’re aware of it or not.  I took stock of the passengers coming down the aisle, giving them a mental thumbs up or thumbs down about them becoming my seatmates. The person who paused at our aisle was a tall guy with unkempt curly black hair, a leather jacket, ripped jeans, heavy boots and tattoos.  So, from that description, you now know the data I selected out and noticed.  It wasn’t his eye color or the magazine he was carrying. It was his appearance.  And so I climbed that ladder of inference pretty quickly in my head (in seconds) and determined that I had nothing in common with this seatmate.  In fact, I’d seen folks who looked a lot like him on the evening news making trouble.   I concluded I had nothing in common with him.  And so, my action (rung 7) was to make no eye contact or conversation and show extreme interest in the book I was reading. But here’s the thing. At times, circumstances become our teachers. In this case, our plane hit an air pocket and did a quick descent. I’m sure it lasted seconds but it felt like minutes… The scene was complete with screaming campers, like something right out of a movie. When things settled down again, I heard a soft voice on my right. It said, “Excuse me, ma’am, may I ask you a question? Is that not normal?” I turned to him and admitted that I traveled a lot and had never had that experience. He replied, “Oh, you see I wouldn’t know. This is my first flight. I’ve always been afraid of flying. But, ya see, my parents are getting up in years, and they’ve always longed to see the foliage in New England. (I swear those were his exact words!). So I had no choice but to drive them safely to New England to explore. But the thing is my baby turns 3 tomorrow, and daddy doesn’t miss his baby’s birthday for anything. So I had no choice but to hop on a plane.” Now, wait, what just happened? Well, if we go to the bottom of the ladder, some new data just came into my awareness, challenging my earlier assumptions and meaning, and resulting in new action on my part. In fact, I had a new appreciation for this seatmate of mine. Applying the Ladder of Inference in Daily Life Remember that everything from rung 2 through 6 happens in our heads in a nanosecond. It’s invisible to others. All people see is that something happens, resulting in our action. At times, things like air pockets bring new data into our awareness. At other times, we need to simply step back and be open to seeing things we don’t initially see. There’s incredible value in inquiring more, asking questions, seeking to understand,  before leaping to conclusions. It’s equally important to make our thinking more transparent to keep others from doing the same. Lessons from Air Travel: Misjudgments and Insights Here are key takeaways from using the Ladder of Inference during air travel: Quick Judgments: Our first impressions are often based on minimal and selective information, leading to potentially inaccurate conclusions about others. Impact of Assumptions: These assumptions can dictate our behavior towards others, like choosing to ignore a seatmate based on their appearance. Opportunities for Learning: Unexpected events, like turbulence, can bring new data into our awareness, challenging our previous assumptions and potentially changing our actions and perceptions. Overcoming Assumptions in the Workplace And so, that’s what ladders and airplanes have to do with one another. However, these ladders are everywhere, including the workplace. Imagine that Bob shows up to a meeting late. In a few seconds flat, you can climb the ladder to some conclusion: He’s casual about time, especially for meetings he doesn’t value. He’s not interested in the meeting topics. He’s unlikely to support what you are proposing. He will be a force to be reckoned with. Before you know it, you’re getting defensive with Bob, and he has no clue why. Isn’t it possible the poor guy simply stopped by the restroom on his way to your meeting? In more cases than I can count, this simple model has created meaningful reflection and dialogue between two parties who were not getting along. Just recently, I used it with two team members who were not getting along. Their issues were creating a ripple through the rest of the team and their client groups. As they made “their ladders” more transparent to each other, the new data created new beliefs about each other and a new possibility for working together. They reflected on it as a breakthrough moment. Taking the Ladder of Inference to New Heights So, whether it’s airplanes or ladders…they can take us to new heights! If you’re interested in seeing how the Ladder of Inference played out between two people sitting in an airport eating cookies, just drop me a note, and I’ll send it your way! The Ladder of Inference is a valuable tool for comprehending the intricacies of human cognition and decision-making. For additional insights and resources on personal and professional growth, visit Brenda K Reynolds.

Uncertainty can disrupt even the best-laid plans, something I experienced firsthand while preparing for my TEDx talk (on uncertainty, ironically). As I took on this journey, I envisioned an organized, step-by-step approach to refining my speech, writing this blog, and conducting a flawless video run-through. Instead, life intervened, revealing a deeper lesson about adaptability and the unpredictability of the creative process. My phone rang multiple times, and I was drawn back home to assist my parents in arranging hospice care for my 97-year-old grandmother. I also faced challenges in my book production, throwing my initial plans out the window. You might say some fog rolled in. Despite these challenges, I stayed focused on refining my talk content, which needed significant shortening. I envisioned myself as a sculptor, chiseling away at excess clay to reveal a masterpiece. I practiced sections before a live audience, observing what resonated and what didn't. With each recording, I identified parts that didn't feel natural or where I stumbled. After several rounds of adjustments, the talk began to take shape as I strived to bring it under the 8-minute mark. Attending the Pennsylvania Women’s Conference in Philadelphia provided additional insights. Listening to Brené Brown, Michelle Obama, Shawn Achor, and Shonda Rhimes inspired me to reflect on my speaking style. Brené's authenticity resonated deeply, Michelle’s credibility made her relatable like a close friend, Shawn’s humor effortlessly uplifted his speech, and Shonda's elegance left a memorable impression. I returned home both humbled and inspired. Ready for practice, I divided my speech into segments, enlarged the font size on my Word document, and printed each section. I taped them to the wall to create a visual roadmap, particularly valuable as I wasn't using PowerPoint slides to guide me. Dragging a round brown carpet into my living room, I began recording my rehearsal, knowing that in less than a month, that carpet would turn red. Educational Insights on Preparing a TEDx Talk Preparation and Adaptability: Despite meticulous planning, expect unexpected challenges. Flexibility is key when circumstances change. Content Refinement: Think of yourself as a sculptor removing unnecessary elements to reveal the essential message. Record rehearsals and seek feedback to identify areas for improvement. Analyze Influential Speakers: Study other speakers for techniques that resonate with their audiences. Consider tone, relatability, humor, and authenticity. Visual Cues: If not using presentation slides, create visual cues like segmenting speeches and printing them out to enhance memory retention. Are you on social media? Come say Hi on Linkedin, Facebook and/or Instagram!

With my youngest son leaving the nest and heading to college in August, it seemed like a brilliant move on my part to accept the invitation to do a TEDx Wilmington talk in November. After all, it would provide a challenge and new focus for me in his absence. Little did I realize that the honor of doing a TEDx talk would be pushing me out of my nest—my comfort zone. I’ve spoken in front of audiences my entire career. But, like my son, who is preparing to explore new terrain, so am I—such as making a meaningful impact in just 8 minutes! And then, just like that, some cocoon full of butterflies let loose in my stomach, and I realized they were NOT flying in formation just yet. How could the idea of a little 8-minute talk have unleashed them? And what was I thinking when I decided to talk about Transition Fog while I was in my own transition fog? This ranked right up there with deciding to talk about stage fright (while simultaneously experiencing it) in front of my college freshmen Speech classmates. But, what a great opportunity to live my message. Remembering that fear and excitement co-exist when trying something new. That the anticipation is often far worse than the reality. That fear is best contained by focusing on the here and now. And that all great feats happen one step at a time. I’ve written a book one letter and one word at a time. This was no different. So I just got started. Buy and read Ted Talks. Check. Create title. Check. Put deadlines on calendar. Small wins. Big checkmarks. Send headshot. Easy one. Reach out to coach. Check. Don’t compare self to others. Harder. Write this blog. Another check. Use passion as my fuel-- be authentically me. Ah, yes. And then the butterflies, who are born from their own soupy cocoon homes, started to settle down. Are they flying in formation? Nah. I mean, butterflies don’t really do that, do they? Instead, they burst forth from their dark cocoons of comfort, transformed. And birds leaving their nests for the first time can be a bit tentative, but they do fly. On November 2, let’s spread our wings and explore a world of exciting ideas worth spreading--like Navigating Transition Fog. There’s simply no shortage of opportunity to practice this art of dealing with uncertainty. (But if you are experiencing a shortage —you may want to apply to do a TEDx talk!)

Life’s rhythm often consists of managing responsibilities and preparing for what's next. For me, it was working on my upcoming book, crafting a new card product, and ensuring client satisfaction, all while getting ready to send my youngest son off to college. The hours were long, the tasks demanding, and my breaths, unfortunately, far too short. The Challenge of Caregiving Then, the unexpected happened: a phone call about my mother’s sudden hospitalization for heart issues. She was not only a pivotal part of our family but also the primary caregiver for my 97-year-old grandmother. This meant that suddenly, my responsibilities doubled. I had to drop everything and go—ensuring the well-being of both my mother and grandmother. Taking care of Grandma proved to be a humbling venture into the unknown. Alongside my sister Barb, I ventured into this new challenge with a mixture of anxiety and determination. We navigated our way through meals that revisited us and showering attempts that would fit better in a comedy sketch than in real life. It was like starring in an episode of "Lucy and Ethel Take Care of Grandma." Moments of Insight In the midst of our caregiving chaos, a remarkable moment of clarity emerged. As we settled down from another eventful round of cleaning and redressing Grandma, Barb decided to engage her with some coloring. She handed Grandma an adult coloring book, and as we let her pick the colors, she paused—a rare moment of focus overtaking her. She pointed to a phrase on the page and read aloud, “Remember to take a deep breath.” Her gaze met our surprised faces, and she smiled. It was as if all the chaos paused, and her words resonated deeply, reminding us of the power of simple wisdom amidst turmoil. Lessons in Resilience This experience was a stark reminder that sometimes, the clarity we seek in life comes from the most unexpected sources. Grandma’s spontaneous recitation became a profound lesson on resilience and the importance of maintaining composure in the face of adversity. Her words, simple yet powerful, reminded us that even in uncertainty, clarity can still be found. It’s about finding moments of peace and insight, however fleeting, and letting them guide us through the challenges. As you navigate your own complexities, remember that lessons can come from anywhere—often from where you least expect them. Harness the power of these snippets of wisdom, for they can offer significant insights into handling life's unpredictable waves. When there seems to be no guidebook on how to proceed, just breathe and plunge forward, armed with the unexpected lessons that life imparts. Are you on social media? Come say Hi on Linkedin, Facebook and/or Instagram! (Update: Mom’s doing well. And Grandma’s already forgotten we were ever there. But we’ll cherish the memory forever.)

A while back, I facilitated a workshop aimed at reshaping the Therapy Services department within a healthcare organization—a growing department that grew to span four different locations. This complex task required thoughtful planning and a carefully selected team to represent their colleagues. As the first session unfolded, senior leadership endorsed the process, provided some parameters, and then did the most important thing of all—they left the room, allowing the team to take ownership of the change. To set the tone for the day, we began with the song "Dare You to Move" by Switchfoot. Music has the power to inspire and catalyze change, and the lyrics were a perfect metaphor for our goals: "Welcome to the planet, welcome to existence. Everyone’s here, everyone’s waiting for you. What happens next? I dare you to move, I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor..." This powerful message challenged the team to evolve from their current state to their full potential, mirroring the transformation we aimed to achieve in the department. The Role of Leadership in Fostering Change Significant transformations often require shifts not only in processes but in leadership styles. Here are some impactful strategies we observed: Empowering Autonomy: The leaders set the stage by outlining the objectives and then strategically stepped back. This act of giving space empowered the employees, placing them at the forefront of the initiative. Enhancing Team Collaboration: Initially, there was a sense of skepticism. However, as the team members began to work in smaller, focused groups, a shift occurred. They moved from doubt to collaboration, each subgroup contributing to a cohesive solution that resonated with everyone. Achieving Quick Consensus: The ability of the team to align quickly and effectively was not just impressive—it was transformative. The unified vision that emerged was a testament to the collective effort and shared goals. Results and Reflections The outcome was more than just a new department structure—it was a demonstration of what can be achieved when a team is united under a common vision. The process was akin to waiting for a new arrival in a family, culminating in a solution that everyone was proud of. The COO’s response, "I love it!", echoed the sentiment of all involved. Strategies for Enhanced Employee Engagement Leadership Withdrawal: Knowing when to lead and when to let the team take the reins can significantly impact the effectiveness of the team. Incorporating Creative Elements: Utilizing music or other creative mediums can elevate morale and encourage innovative thinking. Building Trust Through Collaboration: A culture of trust and collaborative effort is essential for turning challenges into opportunities for growth. Leading Effectively Through Inspiration Effective leadership involves more than just giving orders—it’s about inspiring, empowering, and stepping back when necessary. Switchfoot's motivating song proved to be a catalyst for change, perfectly illustrating how creative elements can elevate the energy in a session and contribute to positive team dynamics. I encourage leaders to consider how to incorporate similar strategies to inspire their teams. What innovative methods have you used to motivate your team? Share your experiences below.